Temptations and Beginnings
by 506rl
Summary: Brought up to believe himself a monster, Remus spends his first three years at Hogwarts alone. In the fourth year, however, he finds himself getting closer to those he had been yearning for; yet also being pulled towards to those he yearned against. [Eventual Wolfstar(RLSB)]
1. Chapter 1

I've always told myself that my parents love me. They've done their best and were still doing their best to find some kind of cure to this condition. They'd spend their small fortunes on obtaining little objects and ingredients in the hopes that the new rumour they had heard about it being a cure for lycanthropy was correct. No matter how useless, or often downright painful, the potions and spells they used on me were, they were doing it out of love. They wanted their child back. And that was understandable. Because I had been attacked by a monster, and it was only a matter of time before I turned into something similar.

No. At the time of my eleventh birthday I already believed that I was one. My affliction meant I turned into a mindless killer at every full moon. I was already a monster, in both mine and my parents' eyes. My condition was simultaneously pulling my family apart from fear and grief as well as keeping it together, my parents' only positive attitude towards me being those moments when they had a new lead on some obscure and always unreliable theory about curing my werewolfishness. And it was all my fault, because I was the one still there; it was me they had to put up with, not their four year old, untainted son, whom was a simple young wizard. And I was no longer that son to them.

I loved every moment I spent away from my household. I could let my parents live in peace for months on end during my time at Hogwarts, and although I spent most of the time alone, those thoughts comforted me endlessly. My parents didn't have to live in fear of their son attacking them in their sleep on those nights where I was tucked away in a far-away land in the school. And I didn't have to bear the silence at dinner times, or hear my dad tell me the latest research he read about why werewolves are so evil and foul. Why he thought that I was evil and foul. More reasons why I thought I was evil and foul.

Upon my arrival at Hogwarts, the sorting hat told me that he was having trouble on whether to place me in Slytherin or Gryffindor; apparently, I had "faced such events that my courage was to be praised", yet my mind was so "full of such pessimism and darkness" that I was placed in the house of Slytherin. Not that it mattered much to me. I didn't do much socialising. I spent days every month away from the castle, one night in my werewolf form and another day or two afterwards in recovery due to the pain experienced from the transformations. Sometimes it was simply a rest to regain energy, others the school nurse would spend hours trying to heal the wounds on my face and body. She knew after the fifth or sixth time not to ask; I think Dumbledore had told her to stop.

Due to the constant visible wounds, my regular absences from school, and the rest of my time being spent studying, I didn't have much time for socialisation. Not that I didn't yearn it. Hell knows I watched three Gryffindors named James, Sirius and Peter pulling pranks and having such fun. They would always be smiling around each other, laughing and enjoying themselves. _How fun it must be_ I always thought, unable to supress the jealousy rising from my stomach to my heart.

For some reason I always watched them; they were always conveniently in the same place as me, or at least a lot of the time they were. If I was studying in the library, they were serving detention there, helping the librarian. If I was outside in the school fields, they were usually somewhere in sight, creating mischief and laughing at and with each other. It hurt to look at them, yet it also helped. In those moments I liked to pretend I was a bodiless soul drifting through the air, watching them having fun and enjoying their mayhem as I watched, undetected and unjudged.

Perhaps the only person I did speak to was Severus Snape. He was also in Slytherin and, like me, didn't have much of a social life. He had more so than me, yet somehow we were similar. Our conversations were never useless; Severus was never the type for that. He was down-to-the-point and blunt. Yet he was so in an understanding way, as if he felt the loneliness I felt. And I think he must have felt the same as me, because although our conversations weren't frequent, they were meaningful and full of content. I remember the first conversation we had was about the equality of goblins and wizards. Not exactly small talk, if you ask me. By the time second year came around Snape and I had already expressed the unhappy tensions from within our families, and without spilling any details, we both had a silent respect for each other. Not that I didn't respect everyone else; simply that I knew I could relate to Snape on a personal level. In some way, his family was not a safe haven for him. And although I loved my parents for what they were doing, and felt ashamed for thinking so, I too was constantly afraid of the days I would have to return home and face their criticizing remarks and hurtful attempts and making me "right".

After third year was, obviously, fourth. I had missed the first few days of school, including the feast that always took place on the evening of the first day. I was gutted, as I always loved the atmosphere of chatter and joy, which seemed to rub off on me, even if I wasn't directly experiencing any of it. But I missed it, since I was recovering from my last meeting with the full moon. By the time the third day of school came around, I limped to my first lesson from the hospital wing and sat down in the only spare seat left in the charms classroom.

The person next to me didn't even seem to notice that I had sat next to him, since he was turned to the side to speak to his friend at the next desk. It was only then that I had realised the boy whom I had sat next to was none other than Sirius Black - one of the boys I had been secretly watching for the last three years. I suddenly sat up rather straight and snapped my head towards the front of the classroom in the hopes of seeming like I was ready for class to start, but in reality probably looking more like I had just smelt a really bad fart.

 _Of course,_ I thought as I remembered that charms classes this year were with Gryffindor. _How am I so unlucky that I ended up next to Sirius?_ I looked down at my desk as there was no teacher at the front to look at yet. I cringed and tried to collect my thoughts. _I won't say anything to him. If we have to work together, I'll just act like I do with anyone else – distant._ I told myself and repeated the word "distant" over and over again in my head in an attempt to calm down from the panic rising inside of me. Why was I panicking? _He's just a classmate_ , I told myself. But in reality I knew the reason why. I had been yearning to have a friend like Sirius or James or Peter for years, and now I had a chance to talk to one of them. If I wanted to, I could strike up a conversation with Sirius and eventually, over the course of the year, I could even have become acquaintances with him and his friends.

I shook my head. _No. You've got to be distant. Distant, Remus._ And then my thoughts went into a frenzy about how I will only bring danger to those whom I become friends with. Like my parents said, being a werewolf makes me a monster. And monsters don't deserve friends. _I don't deserve friends._ I concluded in my mind just before the charms teacher walked into the classroom.

Perhaps it was that thought that caused my mood to be low over the course of that lesson. I took notes and dazed into the distance, a numb feeling washing over my body. As soon as the bell rung, I had already left the desk and briskly walked to the next lesson. There, there were no Gryffindors, no Sirius, and I felt a lot more comfortable because of that. I could take notes and watch the teacher make the Potion of Creativity without my mind screaming about anyone that I had any desire or non-desire to talk to.

That dinner time in the great hall I didn't dare look over at the Gryffindor table. I barely ate anything as I didn't feel like it, and headed down all the way to my bed in the dormitories of the Slytherin common room.

As I walked in, I noticed that I wasn't the only one who was hoping for a suspiciously early night. Severus was sitting on his bed, playing what looked like solitaire, yet the cards were completely black. I am sure there was some magical secret to them, because I never once saw any wizard in Hogwarts, apart from those muggle-born, playing a usual game of muggle cards.

Snape looked up as I walked to my bed and found my pyjamas from my small suitcase.

"You haven't left Hogwarts?" Severus asked me, obviously asking why I hadn't been in school these last few days.

"No, I haven't." I stated, not wanting to tell him anything. I was used to this; teachers complaining that I left for several days every month and asking me what, exactly, was so unavoidable that I missed school. Students never seemed to care where I had went, and I'm not sure they ever even noticed my absences. Yet Severus had asked similar questions a few times before.

"Care to explain?" Snape asked, moving his eyes from my face back to his black playing cards laid out on his bed.

"My mum…" I said, not bothering to say the rest, as Severus had heard the same story every other time that he had asked. I always told him, and the teachers that asked, that my mother was ill and my father unable to look after her. The teachers heard the words "mother" and "sick" and would immediately drop the topic in fear of upsetting me in some way. Severus, however, interpreted my story differently. I'm not certain, but he seemed under the impression that I had to return home for some kind of fight within my family that couldn't be done without me. I'm not sure of the details, as we had a silent rule to never ask each other further than we would easily and openly discuss.

"I saw you were sitting next to the Black kid in charms today." Severus changed the subject rather abruptly, to my relief.

"Oh… yeah. It was the last seat left." I said, wandering why Severus would comment on such a seemingly meaningless detail.

"Good luck dealing with that piece of crap." Severus commented, a frown forming on his face at the thought of Sirius. I was silent for a moment. This was the first I had heard of Severus having a dislike for Sirius.

"Can I ask why?" I asked after a pause, a sudden feeling of dread seeping into me. I pushed the feeling away, knowing full well that I was afraid that the only person I ever held a conversation with would hate the idea of me getting to know the people who I had been yearning to for years. A silence filled the air as Severus thought on how to answer without sounding superficial or overly dramatic.

"He follows that James boy around like a dog. It's disgusting. He creates chaos where there needn't be and he disrespects everyone in Slytherin." Severus said monotonously, not pausing to stop his card game. "And he's a blood traitor." He added, somewhat more quietly.

"A blood… traitor?" I repeat stupidly as I take in what he said. And I couldn't help but disagree with what Severus had said entirely; just because he was a troublemaker didn't make him a bad person. Secondly; I had never given a second thought to someone being a "blood traitor" before this moment. What difference did it make if a pureblood was friendly with a muggle-born? Why was this an issue with Severus? Why did that comment hurt me so much?

"You don't know what a blood traitor is?" Severus peered up from his game again to look at me, surprised.

"No… I know what a blood traitor is." I was hesitant to discuss the subject with him, yet all I wanted to do was ask him what he meant by that comment. "What's wrong with being a blood traitor?" I said, perhaps feeling the most brave I had in years. Severus stared at me for a few moments longer.

"I just believe that mixing any non-wizard blood with wizard blood is wrong. Even if not the physical act of making a child, encouraging the integration of their blood into our society is dirty." Snape finally said, staring into my eyes, as if watching for a reaction. Although fighting to not show it, inside I was indeed feeling a reaction. I had never known that he thought this way. And one thing kept echoing in my mind.

"Non-wizard… so not just muggle-borns?" I said, trying my best to not sound offended or suspicious, but casual, as if I accepted his opinion.

"Well, isn't that obvious? I mean, elves are obvious. But they are all in the control of wizards anyway, so that's fine. And centaurs. If I ever had to make contact with one of them I would refuse. They disrespect us wizards despite them clearly being less powerful than us. That's ridiculous. And then muggle-borns are probably the worst issue at the moment, as there is no restriction against them in the wizarding world. Isn't it suspicious that someone with no wizarding blood in them whatsoever can make magic? It seems too suspicious to me. More investigation needs to be made. Then… what else is there? I guess… werewolves are obvious too. How can the Ministry allow people that transform into killing machines monthly walk around in the wizarding community? And to think, without seeing them in their wolf form, we would have no idea what they are! If you ask me, they should all be put somewhere secure, where they won't leave. We can't risk them spreading their blood further and infecting others. The wizarding community doesn't need any more filth from the muggle-borns and other creatures than it already has" Snape said, still in his monotonous voice, not taking his eyes from mine. I supressed the urge to gulp as he finished.

I nodded, not saying a word in fear that my voice would reveal my mixture of anger and sadness in that moment. A lump was forming in my throat, and all I wanted to do was run away to the house through the corridor underneath the Whomping Willow, where I could be on my own and calm myself down away from the eyes of others. I had just learned that my only acquaintance was openly against people like me. If he knew of my condition he would be disgusted. He said so himself – he thought of werewolves as filth.

"Anyway, homework." Severus stated boringly, taking his body and his schoolbag out from the dormitory and probably into the Slytherin common room, as if he didn't just say one of the most upsetting things I had heard since I had been told that I was a werewolf. I stood there in silence for a minute or two, holding my pyjamas tightly in both hands, unmoving.

* * *

 **A/N: So there's the first chapter! I hope you enjoyed it. I have a few ideas up my sleeve and I just really like Remus' character so I thought I'd give writing a shot after such a long time :) Please favourite/follow and give any feedback, I'd appreciate it lots!**


	2. Chapter 2

I didn't cry that night, although I was close to it. I told myself to suck it up, and that it's not like Severus is a close friend to me or anything. _I will pretend that nothing is wrong and that I am a regular wizard, just like I've been doing for the last three years._

But still, I found it difficult to face Severus over the next few weeks. Every time I saw him, I either pretended I had no idea he was there or I simply nodded at him before vacating the room to get as far away from him as possible. But that didn't take up too much effort and I focused my energy, instead of worrying over the possible situation of how Severus would react to finding out my secret, on my school work. In my free periods I would finish homework, and after school and on weekends I would make notes and read ahead of class in the library. As for Charms classes, I spent the time with my eyes glued to the teacher religiously, willing myself to not give any attention to the boy sitting next to me. It wasn't so bad, or so I thought at the time, because at least I was able to keep myself distracted and was doing fairly well with my schoolwork. Unfortunately, I was also in Gryffindor's class for Transfiguration, but I managed to snag a seat next to some other student whom was pretty much ignoring me as she seemed so intent on listening to every work said by Professor McGonagall that she probably didn't even know there was someone next to her. And that was fine by me.

After three weeks of what I told myself was luck, however, I was forced to face Sirius Black.

"Right, class, now you've practiced the Colour Change Charm, and I'm glad to see you've all managed to some extent to make it work. Now I'd like you to write exactly how you have managed to do this…" The teacher gave us instructions to carry out and write notes; I took the old, almost broken pen from my bag and began to write the second the teacher had finished speaking.

"Hey." I heard a deep but bold voice from next to me that I had only before heard from afar. I jumped at the unexpected sound, turning to him but not meeting his eyes. "Can I borrow a pen? I broke all of mine yesterday." Sirius said, confidently and happily. I looked up his face and looked at his eyes, determined to not seem petrified in that moment.

"Yeah." I replied quietly, handing him the pen in my hand and pulling out another pen that was in an even worse state for myself from my bag.

"Thanks." Sirius said, turning to his page and starting to write, although lazily. I didn't know what I expected, but his attitude towards the work seemed so fitting with his personality. He paused every few minutes, perhaps in thought on what to write, or perhaps because he was bored silly of the lesson at hand. That as well has him returning the pen was about the extent of our interaction over that lesson, but it left me with a torn feeling between relief that I didn't do anything stupid, excitement that I had spoken to him, and horror that I had spoken to him.

It was that weekend of the autumn term that there was a trip to Hogsmeade. I spent the evening before debating whether or not I should go, knowing full well that I had no money to spend and no friends to have fun with. But I went all the same. It was the only chance I ever had to spend time both away from my parents and not in the school grounds.

I spent the morning in Honeydukes, trying samples of newly-developed sweets. I also went into the wizard-wear shop to look at the interesting socks they always had on display, and I went into the wizarding music shop, where I stood listening to the new and old hits of the wizarding world. The atmosphere or liveliness and chatter alone was enough to make me feel content. No schoolwork, classmates or parents to worry about today.

I was getting rather hungry by mid-afternoon, but had no money to buy a thing. I wrapped my old woollen jumper around me, keeping the warmth of my body close and I walked around the village, not quite wanting to leave. There was a slight frost on the ground, since it was late autumn and Hogwarts was rather far up north. I sat down on a bench in the middle of the street, watching peoples' legs move around the street, leaving footprints in the thin layer of white frost already forming. It wasn't snowing, but for some reason as I sat there the layer on the ground had gotten whiter and slightly thicker.

After convincing myself that it was too cold and time to leave Hogsmeade and go back to the castle, I suddenly caught a strange sight in the corner of my eye. I turned my head to my right and peered at the ground. Two pairs of footsteps were forming on the ground, without anyone creating them. There was no one walking on that part of the ground, yet shapes of the bottom of shoes were forming on the surface of the frost. I kept my eyes glued in that direction, taken aback. _Ghosts, perhaps?_ I considered before reminding myself that I should be able to see even ghosts, and the fact that they can't have made shapes in the snow anyway.

My feet were already moving before I had even chosen to follow the footsteps. They were heading away from the crowd, into an alleyway between a nearly deserted shop and a row of old-looking houses. I peered around the corner and walked into the alleyway, the frost crunching beneath my feet no matter how lightly I was attempting to step. The footsteps seemed to have stopped in the near distance, facing each other. I held my breath, as if that would make me invisible to the already invisible.

I walked forwards, towards the footsteps that stayed stationary, attempting to see something that clearly wouldn't show itself. I reached my hand forwards, into the space above the feet where, perhaps, an invisible person's torso may be. But I felt nothing at all.

I stayed there for a few moments more, no idea what else to do. I knew of the spell that would summon anyone nearby, but doubted that would work since we were so near a very crowded area. Huffing slightly and staring at the space where I was sure stood an invisible and, seemingly, non-solid person, I turned on my heels and walked back to the castle and to the library to look up what it could have possibly been.

Perhaps some kind of obscure creature? Or one of those beings that were only mentioned in those magazines and newspapers that most wizarding folk scoffed at, because the only evidence for the existence of these creatures were sightings by very unreliable and often batty wizards.

I didn't find anything, and called it a night after I had missed dinner and it was nine thirty in the evening. Despite my hunger, nothing could be done and I decided to sleep.

The next day, I could barely eat breakfast. I could feel that the full moon was approaching and my body already felt sick. It didn't used to be like this; my body was not reacting to the actual moon, only to my dread of turning. After forcing myself to drink some tea and have half a piece of plain and unbuttered toast, my first lesson was Charms. I wasn't in a great mood and already regretted not forcing myself to eat more; my stomach was growling and I felt slightly faint.

As I sat down, I didn't even notice Sirius staring at me with his large, shining eyes.

"Hey." He greeted me in this way again, his voice unexpected and bold. I jumped, again, and mentally cringed for my reaction. I turned to look at him again, my head swimming a little as I moved.

Before another word was said, however, Sirius had passed me a red cardboard box. It took me a second to realise what it was, as I had never had one in my hands before, that it was a box of chocolates from Honeydukes. I stared at it for another few moments longer, not knowing what had happened, nor why.

"Repayment for letting me borrow your pen." Sirius said, and I could see he was smirking at me from the corner of my eye. We both sat in silence while I looked at the box, unsure of anything.

"I-Um…" I started. So many thoughts were running through my head – why would he give me this? Surely, not just because I let him borrow a pen once? Was it a prank? His mischievous behaviour in the past told me that the likelihood of this being some kind of prank was high. Had he somehow spiked the chocolate? What would happen when I ate them?

My stomach growled loudly. I became very still, hoping he hadn't heard it, but knowing he had.

"Hungry?" He said, a humour to his voice penetrating my mind.

There was only one thing that I could think to do in this randomly occurring situation; to act like any Slytherin would in this situation.

"You've spiked it, haven't you?" I looked straight into his eyes, and my voice was surprisingly calm and firm. He looked back into mine and he paused for a second. I think he was taken aback by my question.

"No. I haven't spiked it." He stated. "Why would I have done that?"

"Because… you're not exactly known for being kind to Slytherins." I replied and looked away from him, no longer able to bear to look at him in fear that the emotions I was feeling in that moment would spill over.

He chuckled.

"W-what?" I said as he carried on laughing quietly, so as to not bring attention to us in the middle of the filling-up classroom.

"I can only think of a few people who would have told anyone that, and those people are my family, who don't go to this school anymore, and Severus Snape." He smiled.

At that moment, I found myself smirking with him. Had Severus really been treated badly by Sirius? Whatever happened between Sirius and Severus must have been a joke from Sirius' part; I should have known that after watching him for three years. Was Severus taking a simple prank personally and hence had some kind of grudge against Sirius? That seemed fitting with Severus' character, and for some reason I found that thought hilarious. Severus had managed to convince me, who he would hate if he knew my secret, that Sirius could be a bad person.

And somehow, I knew the chocolates weren't spiked.

I ate a few of those delicious treats during that lesson, filling my stomach, and gave Sirius some too. We tried our best to hide the food and our chewing faces from the rest of the classroom. I kept the rest of the chocolates for later and tucked them underneath my clothes, all the way at the bottom of my suitcase, where no one else would find them.

Following the most fun I had ever had in any lesson, my odd day was not over. In the afternoon Transfiguration lesson, in which Professor McGonagall (to my dismay) told us to work in pairs, I talked to another classmate.

"Remus, are we going to ignore each other like we do every class or are we going to work together?" The girl, who had always been focused on her notes, turned to me and said after the class erupted into chatter. I looked at her for the first time I had sat next to her and immediately recognised her deep red hair and stereotypically pretty face. Yet, I had never heard her name. But she knew mine.

"Y-you know my name?" I asked, perplexed by the idea that someone other than a teacher or Severus knew my name.

She sighed in reply, closing her eyes and slouching. "Of course I do, Remus. I've been in your classes since year 7." She said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. And although I knew this, I hadn't the slightest idea who she was. She saw me staring blankly at her and sighed again, this time a small smile on her face. "You don't know who I am, do you?" She asked, clearly amused rather than offended.

"No…" I said, a little embarrassed. How could I not know my classmate's name? I knew most peoples' names, mostly because teachers called them out when they were making trouble or when the student had put their hand up. But, like me, I was pretty certain this girl had never made an effort to be known by everyone.

Not only did I recognise her from class, but I knew that she was involved with the three boys I regularly found myself interested by. James, it was obvious, was interested in her, and so often performed bold and ridiculous acts to get her attention. It was very funny to watch, especially as she usually ignored him or brushed his behaviour off as inappropriate or childish.

"Lily. Lily Evans." She stated after I didn't reply.

"Sorry." I apologise, honestly sorry that I never knew her name. "I'll remember."

"You'd better." She said in a false-threatening voice that comforted me greatly.

We worked together that lesson, only talking about the task at hand, but I was simply amazed that I was talking to someone in such a relaxed manner.

That evening, I even allowed myself to look at the Gryffindor table and search to see whether or not Sirius, James, Peter or Lily were there. They were. And although I didn't sit with them, nor did they notice me in any way, I was warmed with a sense of calm. I had talked to people today. I had talked to people and the outcome of the conversation wasn't negative. I felt happy as I walked to Dumbledore's office to be taken underneath the Whomping Willow for my transformation.

 **Well, there's the second chapter! I hope you enjoyed. Thank you to DelusionalDoll for the review, it was really lovely! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

All thoughts of calmness and glee from the day were gone by the time I had transformed. I didn't even remember my name, never mind the fact that I had had a good day that day. But it was always like that. Painful and violent and mindless. I howled, ran around in the cramped space and failed to get out from under the tree. My rage at my inability to get above ground infuriated me enough to scratch at my own flesh; this time, I managed to carve a deep wound into my left cheek. This was not uncommon for me, but the wounds, as they were caused by dark magic (meaning the claws of my wolf-self), were not easy to heal well. This meant that whenever I hurt myself in this way, the scars would take months if not almost a year to fully heal. There was one scar on my left calf that had been present for years, and I was fairly certain that it would be staying with me for the rest of my life.

I received plenty of stares as I walked into school two days later; the cut was still very visible and I was embarrassed. I hadn't done something so visible to myself since I was seven years old and hit my forehead against the concrete floor. I felt stupid for allowing my wolf-self to do such a thing. I felt ashamed that I had no control over such a big part of myself.

I felt completely worried walking into Transfiguration class that day. Would Lily ask questions? Would she be too afraid to ask? Would she become afraid of me? Would she be able to figure out what I was?

Her eyes met mine before I even sat down. Her face was clearly shocked. I was uncertain whether it was a concerned kind of shock or a frightened kind of shock; either way, Professor McGonagall had already started the lesson and I therefore had no time to speak to Lily that class. I ignored her, taking notes and appearing as if I was listening intently to McGonagall. In reality, I was thinking of all the judgements Lily could be making towards me right now, about how I was so disappointed in myself to do something so stupid, and about how it was only a matter of time before someone figured out the truth and told everybody.

As the bell rang, I left the room faster than Lily had time to put her pen back into her fluffy pencil case.

I didn't go to lunch or dinner that day, in fear of the students' stares. Even as I walked towards my destination, I saw students from all houses looking at me, and my injured face, raising their palms to their faces to whisper to their friends. I hated the thought of their eyes looking at my wound, thinking and talking about what could have possibly happened to me, a student whom they had never even taken a notice of before. Instead, I headed to the library.

I had given up looking for cures for lycanthropy in my second year, after searching every book I could reach in the library for any clues. But today, I felt so ashamed of my condition and my need to get rid of it was greater than it had been for years; if I couldn't even stop _myself_ from hurting me, how long was it until I managed to hurt others? What if I found a way in my wolf form to get out from underneath the violent tree, and I hurt some innocent person walking across the grounds? What if I killed someone? Or what if I infected someone?

The panic I felt was only rising. I tore out all the books I had read before about magical creatures, wizarding medicine and dark history, as well as the new titles. I sat at the back of the library, where I was tucked away from view, and flipped through them, my mind frantic and looking for any new hints. My hands were shaking, and I could feel myself hyperventilating. I wasn't even reading anymore, just turning the pages, desperate for something to pop out at me. But I couldn't think clearly enough to understand the symbols and grammar on the pages in front of me.

I paused as I reached the end of _Magical Spells for Magical Injuries_ , having not understood a word of it. Leaning my forehead on my hands and covering my face from the light, I closed my eyes and took some deep breaths. _Nothing will come from panicking, Remus. Just calm down._ I told myself, and I sat like that for a few minutes. I was collecting my thoughts and organising them, cleaning my mind.

"Hey." Suddenly a voice from in front of me sounded, interrupting my silence and my attempt at calming myself. I didn't have to look up to know who it was, and in that moment I was afraid to look up. What if my emotions were showing on my face? He had caught me with my head in my hands, books sprawled across the table in a mess. Not only that, but the huge cut right across my cheek would surely make me look even more pathetic.

I looked up slowly, not meeting Sirius' eyes. "Hi." I said quietly, worried that if I spoke loudly my voice would crack. Sirius was holding a pile of thick, heavy-looking books. I registered that he didn't seem to be struggling with the weight, and that he must be strong. He looked at me, although I couldn't read his expression, and then smiled. He was clearly in detention again, as I had often seen him carrying out the librarian's work by hand as punishment for his pranks and behaviour.

"Where do these books go? The librarian is already so angry with me that if I ask her another question she'll probably jinx me." He chuckled at the thought, his face calm and happy. I didn't smile back, but felt slightly calmer at the sight of his upturned mouth.

"They go on this shelf here." I pointed at the shelf behind me, the section of books called _Wizarding Cultures and Geography_ , after looking at the names of the books Sirius was holding.

"Thanks." He said, carrying the books with ease towards the shelf and sorting them into alphabetical order. He did so in silence, as I pretended to read the book in front of me. I was actually just registering his presence and his movements behind me.

After he finished, he went back to bring more books and sorted them out into various shelves around the library. I watched him while he was in view, and looked away when he turned to my direction. I didn't get much reading done, but at least I wasn't panicking anymore.

It was eight o'clock at night before Sirius was dismissed by the librarian, however instead of leaving the room he approached me and sat in the seat across from me. The books I had gotten out of the shelves were now in a slightly neater pile.

"When you gonna finish studying?" Sirius asked quietly. I looked up from "reading" by book.

"I don't really know."

"You've studied for a good three hours, and I'm pretty sure you can have enough of a bad thing." He stated in his usual humorous tone. However, unlike the normal circumstances in which he would talk like this to his friends, he was actually doing so with me.

"I guess… I'll come back tomorrow, then." I said, not wanting to explain to him why I was there.

"You really like studying, then?" He said, and I looked in his eyes. They were wide, as if he was a little confused of amazed.

"It's alright." I said, using my wand to return all the books to their original shelves.

"'Alright'… But you study here almost every day, anyone would assume your favourite pastime is reading textbooks!" Sirius exclaimed, following me as we walked out of the library and into the school corridors.

I chuckled in return. It was true – if anyone knew how much time I spent in the library they could assume all kinds of things.

"You've noticed, huh?"

"Well I do spend a hell of a lot of time there, for the complete opposite reason to you of course." Sirius stated. He had noticed me in his detentions, often. And for some reason, that made me feel a little warmer after such a cold and miserable day.

We walked together towards the great hall. We made small-talk, chatting about the librarian and how much she annoyed the two of us. As we reached the hall, we had to part ways. Sirius waved at me, and I waved back. I felt like such a teenager as I felt happier from such a simple conversation; even as I sat down alone at the Slytherin table, I ate my food happily and headed towards my bed to have a restful sleep.

* * *

And so it continued that I spoke to Sirius on a regular basis; talking and complaining about teachers, smirking and chuckling at Sirius' jokes. I also tried my best to avoid Lily and anyone else that showed signs of either being worried about my injury or seemed to want to ask about it.

Eventually, however, as I got up to dash away from my seat after Transfiguration, Lily grabbed my sleeve.

"Remus, can I talk to you?" Lily asked. Unlike the last time I looked at her face, it seemed firm and confidently strong.

"I have to get to Potions." I said. But she continued to stare at me, much like a cat when they want something from you.

"We can talk on the way, then." She didn't ask, but stated, as if she wouldn't take no for an answer.

"No." I replied anyway. She looked a little shocked at the boldness of my voice, as was I.

"I just want to ask-"

"I think I know what you want to ask, and I don't want to talk about it." I interrupted her, and she closed her lips tightly. But what I said was true – I was sick of lying to anyone who asked where I went, and I didn't want to do it anymore. I just wished that no one ever asked me a question to which I would have to lie in answer to again.

"Fine. But you have to start talking to me again. You're obviously avoiding me and if you ask me, I think it's rude, Remus."

"I…" I started, a little startled by her statement. "I didn't realise I was coming off that way. Sorry." I said, looking down to the desk to avoid eye contact. I was going over all the times I had avoided her the last couple of weeks and immediately felt a deep emotion of regret.

"That's okay." She told me, her voice slightly softer than it was before. She called "See you next lesson." As she walked out of the room to her next class.

* * *

It was that weekend that I was faced with a dilemma. On the afternoon of the Saturday, I was sitting outside against a large tree in the grounds of Hogwarts. I could see Sirius, James and Peter on lower ground than me, so I had a perfect view to peer over my book and watch what they were up to. I wasn't very far away from them, but I think they hadn't noticed me sitting nearby.

They were chatting away, laughing loudly every few minutes and sitting in the low branches of a tree.

That was, until Severus walked into the grounds. He walked straight out of the entrance nearest to them and me, looking down at the ground as he walked. I had a feeling he had no idea neither they nor I were there. If he did know, I'm sure he would have reacted quick enough to avoid James, who had jumped off of the tree and walked towards Severus quickly.

"What's up, Snape?" He said mockingly. I was slightly taken aback as I had never actually seen any interaction between James and Severus before. Severus stopped walking immediately, looking up at James. A grimace formed on his face, much like when he was thinking of Sirius in the dormitory earlier on that year.

"Nothing of your concern, Potter." He replied, already attempting to walk away from James. But James simply walked in front of him again, having a more agile and quick body. Severus simply glared up at James. "What do you want?"

"What's with that tone? I haven't done anything." James said mockingly.

"Will you just move and let me get to where I'm going?" He asked, obviously not actually wanting an answer. It was then that Severus seemed to notice me, glancing over James' shoulder at me. It was only a split second, but I knew he had noticed my presence.

"You'll have time to get to whatever dodgy job you're doing." James said, taking out his wand from his pocket. I had no idea what was going on, nor why it was happening, but before I knew it, James had casted a spell of which I had never heard before and Severus was suddenly dangling upside down in mid-air. He seemed to be hanging by his right ankle, but there was nothing visible there to support him.

I dropped by book immediately.

"P-put me down!" Severus yelled angrily. But James just laughed at Severus, looking back at his friends who also were laughing.

I had no idea what to do. Surely, I couldn't just stand there and let Severus, the only person who has bothered to make a frequent contact of me over the last three years, hang there and experience this blatant bullying? But, then again, I must be missing some part of the picture. I didn't want to believe that the three people I had been so jealous of for years were actually doing this for no good reason other than to establish some kind of pride or power over their other classmates.

 _Not only that, but shouldn't I be letting Severus experience this embarrassment after what I heard him say about werewolves?_

But the thing is, I was willing to accept it as long as he was still someone whom I could have a conversation with. I felt ashamed, but he didn't know about my condition. And I would never tell him. I was desperate for human interaction and I wasn't about to let him be humiliated like this.

As if on cue, he noticed and looked at me from his upside-down position in the air pleadingly. I had never seen his expression like this. I immediately got to my feet and took out my wand from my jacket. I must have surprised James as he only seemed to notice me when I pointed my wand at his throat, less than a metre away from him.

"Put him down." I ordered coldly. It made me terrified to talk to someone in such a way, especially James, but I was so sure of myself in that moment that I didn't back down.

James stared at me. And I could feel Sirius and Peter staring at me too.

"Come on-" James started, but was interrupted.

"Put me down you filth!" Severus shouted. I ignored Severus' comment.

"Why the hell should I listen to you?" James said back, smirking and not moving his wand.

"Because you have a wand pointed at your head, you daft idiot!" Severus snarled quietly, but was still loud enough for all of us to hear him.

Sirius and Peter were approaching from behind, reaching in their pockets. James and Peter were still thoroughly enjoying themselves, laughing at the new turn of events, but I could see Sirius was no longer smiling. I felt my stomach sink even deeper, part of me regretting sticking up for Severus. But before I could act on that thought, I pushed James' wand-holding arm, causing his spell on Severus to break and hence the dark-haired boy to come falling down into a heap. But it wasn't even a second before he had gotten to his feet and I had grabbed his arm, dragging him away before he could protest.

"Why have you dragged me away?!" Severus panted as we reached the safe interior of the castle. I knew the three boys were unlikely to chase us all the way in here, where there are likely to be teachers lurking behind every corner.

"There's three of them and I'm not about to duel anyone. You'd be on your own." I said, slightly less out of breath than the boy standing beside me. My adrenaline was still running high.

"Right. Thanks." Severus was regaining his breath and wasn't looking at me. I appreciated the statement nonetheless.

"S' fine." I forced a smile, feeling the regret of possibly breaking any kind of relationship formation with Sirius. No, not possibly. Almost definitely.

And with that, Severus and I parted ways to get to wherever we needed to get to.

* * *

 **So there you go, chapter three :). I'm hoping it's not too slow-paced for anyone? It just feels unnatural for me to write things such as friendship and romace in a fast-paced fashion (and I feel like my other non-friendship/romance plot points can't come until a bit later on)? So yeah I'm sorry if that bothers anyone haha. Thanks to DelusionalDoll again, and keelanmurray & Fred and George Weasley Twins for the reviews, they make my day! I'll try and update soon-ish again :)**


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